In a bygone era, the mere mention of ‘cheating’ would send shivers down spines, making people gasp and question the very essence of love. Fast forward to today, and you might hear a nonchalant “it’s not a big deal” tossed around. The concept of ‘true love’ that once held a sacred place in hearts now seems to exist mainly in the annals of history.
As someone who once held steadfast to romantic ideals nurtured on a diet of Yash Raj films, I found myself grappling with the question of whether this shift in attitudes towards cheating is a passing trend or a reflection of a broader cultural and ideological transformation within our generation. Are we slowly moving towards a mindset that, rather than being inherently wrong, is gravely misunderstood?
Is Cheating Becoming the New Normal?
When we engage in conversations with individuals from different walks of life, it becomes evident that while some still adhere to traditional notions of relationships and fidelity, a growing number have begun to question the relevance of unwavering loyalty. Is it a human trait? Is it the influx of options offered by dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or even Instagram DMs? Or is it something entirely different?
The idea of happiness has also undergone a transformation. For many in today’s generation, happiness is viewed as an experience rather than a destination or a reward for adhering to societal norms. They resist feeling bound by the expectations of doing things that don’t align with their natural inclinations. They seek thrills, adventures, stories, and constant validation, whether through social media likes or attention in a club. And from a certain perspective, is there anything wrong with this? While my inner romantic might compose a lengthy essay to the contrary, I find it increasingly challenging to condemn these actions.
Reevaluating Monogamy
According to Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., a Professor of Psychology at California State University, “We don’t know if humans are even meant to be monogamous. It’s just that some people are naturally more in line with those views, and others are not.” This viewpoint prompts us to reconsider whether monogamy, as traditionally perceived, aligns with our fundamental nature.
When discussing the morality of cheating, a friend who had experienced both sides – as a cheater and the one cheated on – offered a unique perspective. “Most people who cheat are in otherwise happy relationships. They tick all the boxes society deems necessary for a content life – a stable partner, love, recognition, date nights, consistent intimacy, and social status. So why cheat?” my friend pondered.
“People cheat because, despite having everything the world deems essential for a happy life, there’s a part of them that remains unsatisfied. That part craves occasional exploration to fulfill its desires. It doesn’t necessarily imply a rejection of everything else they value. However, society tends to reduce a person who cheats to just that – a cheater, overshadowing all other aspects of their identity.”
Beyond the Physical Act: Understanding the Disconnect
It’s commonly believed that cheating revolves around sex, but it’s more about everything surrounding it. There must have been some form of disconnect – emotional neglect, physical incompatibility, or ideological differences. Sex isn’t the cause; it serves as the medium.
In France, women have described cheating as ‘unfortunate yet inevitable,’ providing insight into the concept of ‘if you love them, accept them for who they are.’ They’ve accepted that while a part of their partner yearns for someone else, the same person also provides, cares, and loves them in unique, albeit unconventional ways.
Embracing ‘What Is’ Over ‘What Should Be’
So, is our struggle to comprehend infidelity driven by discomfort and resistance to change? Could acknowledging infidelity as an ‘uncommon’ aspect of our lives hold the key to happiness? While there may not be a universally accepted answer to this question, it’s worth pondering the adage: “If history repeats itself, how incapable are we as human beings of learning?”
