Parenting a teenager is undoubtedly one of the most challenging phases in both a parent’s and a teenager’s life. The changes that occur during this time can be difficult to cope with, often leading to frustration, despair, and strained relationships. Adolescence is a pivotal period marked by not only the physical changes of puberty but also significant emotional transformation and, in some cases, the emergence of serious mental health concerns.
Teenagers find themselves on the cusp of adulthood, navigating a tumultuous sea of hormonal changes and emotional turbulence. This transition can be psychologically challenging as they attempt to straddle the line between childhood and adulthood, stretching and squeezing their way through.
From a parent’s perspective, the sweet child you once knew may now appear irritable, unreasonable, and unpredictable. It’s entirely natural for parents to feel somewhat bewildered during this period. Teenagers strive for independence, often creating a rift between themselves and their parents. However, there is hope.
Here are a few things to avoid when parenting a teenager, providing both you and your child with much-needed relief from anxiety and stress, and ultimately helping both of you emerge victorious.
1. Don’t Impose Too Many Restrictions: As your child transitions into a teenager, their interests will evolve, sometimes abruptly. They may no longer be interested in dolls, toys, or cartoons, and instead, they become consumed by social media, friends, and even dating. The desire to spend more time outside the home becomes increasingly common. Rather than restricting your teenager’s newfound lifestyle, it’s best to adapt to these changes. It’s a natural part of growing up, and one day, you’ll have to let go.
2. Go Slow on Performance Expectations: During this transition, their academic or extracurricular performance may temporarily dip. This is not cause for panic. It’s a passing phase as teenagers often find it challenging to focus on repetitive tasks and may seek novelty every day. Fussing over their performance dip can make matters worse. Instead, offer support with their studies as much as you can.
3. Don’t Deprive Them of Their Alone Time: It’s perfectly normal for teenagers to desire solitude and alone time. There is nothing sinister happening in their lives. They need this time to sort out their thoughts, which can be overwhelmed by constant activity and stimuli. Intruding into this space every time will push them further away from you.
4. Don’t Break the Bonds, Build Friendship: Despite the challenges of the teenage years, it’s essential to maintain communication between you and your child. Even if it’s mostly one-way communication, keep it going. Your efforts will be rewarded later. Your teenager may experience early crushes and breakups; you can’t prevent that. However, you can establish a relationship with your teenager that allows them to confide in you whenever they need to. This is far more beneficial for them than seeking sympathy from others and potentially being exploited.
5. Don’t Act Like a Detective: While it’s essential to keep a watchful eye on your teenager, avoid acting like a detective. Refrain from constantly monitoring their phones or tracking their every move. They can easily lock you out of their digital world. They are often more tech-savvy than you, so instead, encourage them to keep you informed and agree on specific touchpoints where they should update you about their activities. If they miss these touchpoints, gently remind them. This approach builds trust, but if you must monitor their activities discreetly, do so carefully, leaving no traces that they are being watched.
6. Don’t Lose Patience: You might wonder why all the tips are focused on you making adjustments, and none on the teenager. The reason is simple: teenagers are the ones going through all the changes, not you. During this time, it’s essential to be the reasonable one. Patience is key; it’s just a phase lasting around 3 to 4 years during early adolescence that you need to endure silently and alone. Once this phase passes, you will be richly rewarded with a grateful young adult who will love you for the rest of your lives. As the teenager nears the end of their teens, things will begin to settle, and your child will mature into a fine adult, provided you’ve paid the price.
Are you willing to pay the price required for parenting a teenager?
“Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.” – Virginia Satir
